Challenges with doctors and the medical system aren’t unique to fertility care. They’re something almost everyone has experienced, even medical doctors by other medical doctors. I’ve experienced errors from small to large (and, some stellar medical care, too!).
What I mean by challenges are medical errors, gaslighting, misdiagnosis, and mismanagement. It can go so far as to include medical emotional trauma but I’ll keep this contained outside of trauma since that requires an additional direction.
I struggle to even use a term that encompasses all of this and ‘challenges’ or ‘harmful healthcare’ or ‘medical mishandling’ don’t do it justice in terms of the effects they can have on your life, but it’s best I’ve got right now.
Examples of harmful healthcare
This can happen if you’ve experienced any of the following.
- Long wait times that impact your quality or life or baby dreams and lacking tools to support those waits.
- Not being given proper pain management.
- Not given enough information before making a decision or before a procedure.
- Doctors not believing you.
- Living with endometriosis, pelvic pain and/or PCOS and being gaslit or misdiagnosed.
- Experiencing irregular periods or no periods and issues ignored.
- Neurodivergence, ableism, being racialized and/or gendered or experienced discrimination based on your sexuality in the healthcare system.
- Anxiety and/or depression symptoms not being taken seriously.
These are just examples because there are many others.
Why medical harm happens
Medical challenges happen because of neglectful doctors, a broken healthcare system, human error, deficiencies in medical schools, and the list goes on. I hear stories almost every day.
None of this is your fault, whatever you’ve experienced.
The result of medical mishandling of your care
Whether it was a specialist, or with your primary care provider, the past care can affect how you navigate your fertility options.
Experiencing medical errors can lead to feeling small, grief, feeling anger, and/or can lead to distrust in the whole or part of the medical system, and a lot of other strong reactions that need tending to.
One consequence is that it can lead to not wanting to enter the medical system, feel hesitant to trust fertility doctors and clinics all together and can be a major barrier to your future care including on your fertility journey.
This can sometimes be called managing, “White Coat Syndrome” and the way forward looks different for each person.
Options on your fertility journey
There can be ways to avoid the medical side of your fertility journey and options that reduce interactions but not cut it out necessarily. For example, there are ways to try and avoid medical treatment and intervention but sometimes it leads you there if you have trouble getting or staying pregnant.
Sometimes there are fewer options if you have pregnancy loss, endometriosis, ovulation issues, LGBQT+ and the list goes on.
This can mean you need supports for where you are at based on past, and more tools to work through.
Regardless, you deserve to be treated with respect, give attention as a whole person, and to be believed.
Part of the purpose of this article is to pull you close and whisper to you, “It’s not in your head. This isn’t your fault, there’s a better way forward. Your needs matter.”
The Way Forward
There are 2 tracks to move forward.
One way, is to heal from the past.
At the same time or after, the other way is to find care that feels as close to “safe” as possible and advocate and do the things on your journey in fertility that meet your needs, so that it’s not a barrier to your baby dreams coming true or to your personal wellbeing.
Your options to move forward are unique to you.
Healing can happen while looking back with a mental health professional, and moving forward with supports like a fertility coach. It can also include being in community with people who make you feel heard and as safe as possible.
Empowerment is probably part of your journey forward, too. Advocating for your needs is a bit of a dance, ensuring fears aren’t barriers to what’s important to you, while acknowledging how this isn’t fair that you are in this position.
Compassion is also a key part of the journey forward.
I have done this all of this with many of my clients over the years, managing fears, providing the tools and mindset coaching, as well as consulting on what to say to your medical doctor, and options for interacting with the medical system (or not).
What is your experience with the medical system where you live? What’s helped you?
